Drew's Speech

Hello all. First off, I want to thank the speakers honoring my parents, Hope Restoration for hosting us, and all of you for coming out.

A tragedy like the accident that took my parents provides a great opportunity for growth, although it is treacherous to. The accident forcefully changes the perspective of those who love them. For me, it has powerfully pointed to man’s fragile transience, swiftly swept aside many of the distracting little things, and shifted my focus toward some deep questions that shape how we approach life.

I hope to share some of them with you so that we might not waste our pain or my parents’ deaths and so that we can remember them by identifying the wisdom in their answers. The questions are as follows:

Does your character evidence growth?
Does your legacy have weight?
Does your life have purpose?
Does your spirit have hope?

Growth

CS Lewis once said:

“Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself.”

While you might not agree with the eternal ramifications of decisions that Lewis posits, the principles still stand. Decisions that love those around you and the Lord, begin to form habits and character, that enable greater consistency and depth of virtue. Actions that serve yourself and tear down yourself and others make it easier to continue acting that way, and to indulge even greater levels of harmfulness and selfishness.

My parents gave so much of themselves to others, but they were getting even better, becoming more like their Lord Jesus. Both greatly struggled with self-reliance, sometimes lashing out in anger or impatience. Mom did when her back and hip prevented her from gardening, driving long distances, and doing other tasks. Dad did when dry seasons at work threatened his ability to provide for his family and his self-image of intelligence, climaxing when circumstances at his church and business caused him to lose a lot of sleep.

However, Mom’s health and Dad’s stress brought them to an end of themselves. Relying on God for strength and refocusing on their ultimate goal of exalting him, they cast aside their illusions of self-sufficiency and leaned on him, becoming the hospitable, warm, giving people we knew and loved in recent years.

Shifting the focus back to us, my parent’s lives leave us with some probing questions. For one, are you trending positively? Are you increasingly displaying love for others? Would those who know you speak better of you today than they would a few months ago, or a few years ago?

Weight

As I wrote my parents’ obituary, I reflected on how my friends and family will summarize and reflect on my life, accomplishments, and impact. What will they say about me? Will they be politely sad but largely indifferent? Will they secretly celebrate the tragedy, remembering a lifetime of selfishness and consumption?

It has been wonderful to see the outpouring of love after my parents’ passing. There have been dozens of people reaching out, saying they would be willing to do anything to help. I have heard stories of my father’s generosity to people in need through his business and seen people who knew my parents bend over backwards to give me appointments to help me start sorting things out, and had professionals give out personal information so I could reach out to them. I have seen friends and members of the community make extraordinarily generous accommodations for my family in preparation for this service. I have seen correspondence from wonderful organizations and individuals who my parents regularly and generously gave to. I have also heard the grief of friends and church members who were greatly touched by my parents.

While I hope I will be remembered this way, I find it too easy to become distracted by the little things, to slip into “autopilot.” I can go to work, church, or school, having shallow, routine interactions. We too often simply strive for the next weekend, the next holiday, the next vacation, seeking gratification for ourselves.

I suggest that we should let this sudden, traumatic loss reveal this lifestyle for the hollow shell that it is. I posit that it is of crucial importance to consider our legacies now; life is too fragile and short to act otherwise. We ought to live to be called good and faithful servants of the one true King, or at least seek to leave a positive impact that outlasts us on the people we know and love. My parents did. They finished well, even though the finish line came sooner than expected. Can we say the same today?

Purpose

Just as it is worthy to consider the objective impact we make, which is seen and reflected on by others, it is also beneficial to evaluate what impacts us.

What motivates us to act the way we do? Does the “why” leave our lives meaningless, or does it make us whole? Does this great “why” cause us to act in ways that love others and God, or in selfish or self-destructive ways? Does the “why” drive us to hyperfocus on our own accomplishments and despair when we fail or we realize that what we wanted was just a hollow facsimile?

I think these are two of the major categories to answer this nagging “why”:

The Bible answers that our purpose is loving God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and loving your neighbor as yourself and going to make disciples of Jesus who do the same.
Without God, “I know of no better life purpose than to perish in attempting the great and the impossible” - Friedrich Nietzsche

My parents lived to honor God and others, and to be called good and faithful servants and stewards when they would see him face to face. They tasted the compassion of Jesus Christ dying on a cross as a perfect sacrifice for their sins. And they responded accordingly: they sought to make Jesus known so that others might experience the forgiveness and regeneration that he offers, and they worked to become more like Jesus to please him and serve others.

This purpose left them with tremendous fulfillment and drive, leading them to become extraordinary members of their community and family. Their faith compelled them to radical, countercultural, true love. This bright fire within them, which empowered everything they did and said, is the reason why they will be missed.

Where does that leave us? What is our purpose? Is it as potent as theirs, and does it drive us to become exemplary and outstanding disciples of Christ–or even just amazing friends, employers, and neighbors–like they were?

Hope

Hope, like a well-chosen or well realized purpose, motivates positive thinking and action. It is an antidote to despair, invigorating the spirit. Without God, everything is snuffed out when we die. The best we have is hope for a legacy that touches those beyond us for the better or for greatness so that we are remembered. However, these are empty pursuits, uncertain while we live and unknown when we die. The only real hope is a life beyond death.

The Christian’s hope of glory is built on the fact of Jesus’ resurrection. Jesus was a historical figure documented by secular sources and a massively unprecedented volume of ancient manuscripts. He was suffocated on a cross and pierced through the heart by professional executioners who would face a death penalty for failing to do their jobs. He was buried in a tomb guarded by Romans and sealed by a boulder too large for Jesus, even if he somehow survived, to remove.

Then Jesus’ disciples claimed to see him risen, indicating many other witnesses in their epistles. Every one of the twelve apostles, plus Paul, scattered when Jesus was killed, not wanting to be associated with him. But after he supposedly rose, they became prolific evangelists and church planters. His twelve apostles, plus Paul, all of whom claimed to see him, were killed for their faith, and the early church endured severe persecution.

Why would his early followers endure thankless, inglorious, painful existences and then die violently for a lie they would have known to be false? How, short of the hand of God, could a small, ragtag, battered band of Jews claiming to have found the Son of God persist thousands of years, becoming a faith that around a third of the global population associates with today? There is a resurrection sized hole in history. And, as Andy Stanley says, if someone predicts their own death and resurrection and then pulls it off, it’s a good idea to hear what they have to say.

My parents knew this hope. They, like Paul, said “For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better” (Philippians 1:21-24). How about you? Is death a terrible, inevitable annihilation to you, or a doorway into an eternity with the Lord and His saints?

Conclusion

My parents’ untimely death has brought questions of growth, legacy, purpose, and hope flooding into my mind. I hope that you will gain insight and fondly remember my parents as I have shared my thoughts on these issues, just as I have done while thinking about my parents and the accident. By going toe to toe with these heavy topics, we can honor them and carry them with us in the way that would matter most to them: by becoming disciples of Jesus and by walking ever closer to Him.